Mothers Day play-by-pay

Yesterday was Mothers Day. I am a mother of three grown children and so I approached the day with very little expectations. Two of the three kids live out of state and the third (the youngest)is a chef which means he works on Mothers Day. I'm OK with this. I prefer him to be working than playing video games in my family room. The other two are married and busy and like most newlyweds, broke. I told them all in advance I didn't want them spending any money on me. To their credit each one acknowledged their mother with a card and a call which makes me think perhaps I wasn't so bad as a parent. I at least raised them to be sensitive and attentive to their mother on holidays. I also received flowers. I LOVE flowers!!! My husband, David would buy me flowers often and they always made me feel loved. David was proud of his kids, yesterday. They took care of mom in his absence. I have great kids.

It was a good day. I also was aware of the unsettling realities of my post-David life. Four years ago I was a wife and mother of three children all living under my roof. Today I am.... well that's just it. I'm not at all sure how to describe me. Life has changed dramatically and it has left me uncertain of a whole host of things. Things like; Do empty-nests always feel so empty? Is there still a place for me in my kids life? Who's going to do all the heavy lifting around the house? Who do I blame for the messes? (OK. The baby still sleeps at home so I got the last one covered) Who am I if not a wife and mother? These are questions that ruminate somewhere inside me on most days. I do my best not to give them my attention and I try not to get too upset about them but on days like Mothers Day they seem to be a bit more bothersome. I am thankful for the flowers and the phone calls. They keep the questions at bay.

Mothers Day for me was filled with busyness. It falls on a Sunday and so I'm quite involved with ministering to the Lord and His people on every Mothers Day. This too was a benefit for handling the day. I started at 7am and continued until 5pm where I crashed exhausted on the couch. A key to healing through times of grief and loss: Busyness! Preferably the kind of busyness that causes you to focus on the needs of others instead of yourself. I have found it to be helpful especially on the holidays.

After worship services I helped to serve dinner to people in need in our community. Mothers Day is hard for lots of people for lots of reasons. I was blessed to bring some laughter and good company to the table along with a good meal.

As Mothers Days go, mine was filled with blessings. I got to be a blessing to lots of people and give as much of my energy away as possible without having to call an ambulance. (though it was a close call around 5:30pm) So count me among the happy moms on the day-after recap. Even while navigating through uncertain days and unfamiliar waters I am blessed to be a blessing to others. And I still have a family that knows how to love - even from afar.
I pray your day was blessed. I pray God helps you to find opportunities to be a blessing. Our health and healing depend on it. Have a happy day-after!

Karen

Keeping Busy

Welcome Monday Mourners,

I am writing my Monday morning blog for those who grieve on.... Sunday night. It seems a bit off; a bit awkward; a bit...wrong! It might be that I am missing my favorite booth at the diner and my cup of coffee. Yeah! Coffee is definitely helpful but if I have a cup of coffee right now at 10:00pm on Sunday I will be staring at the ceiling most of the night. So I am trying to do what I do sans coffee. It's definitely not the optimum approach to reflection or writing - at least not for me. But nevertheless I am writing on Sunday night.
Tomorrow I have one of those non-stop days. It will begin with an hour and a half commute to a conference that begins at 8:00am. The day will end for me around 9:00pm after a small group meeting. Busy. Busy. Busy! Some days are just like that and I realized as I am printing out my mapquest directions and figuring out what to wear that I am not dreading Monday's mad schedule. I seem to be OK with the day. (except for the coffee at my diner part. I'm missing that already!) The fact that I'm OK with tomorrows schedule makes me smile.
You see, it wasn't that long ago in my journey with grief that a busy schedule like the one I have tomorrow would have overwhelmed me. Grief is exhausting. It takes so much energy out of you that you realize you just don't have the reserve needed for a busy day. Being overwhelmed usually causes me to cry or scream. Neither is all that productive and sometimes damaging. So I am smiling at my willingness to face a grueling day ahead with optimism instead of dread. That is a sign of healing and progress. Grief is slowly (very, very slowly!) losing its grip on me. YEAH!
I will take small victories wherever I can find them. Tomorrow is filled with busyness... and hope and promise. And just to make sure the day goes well, I will be grabbing a cup of coffee on my way out of town. Somethings just need to happen no matter how busy the day is.
If you're feeling a little overwhelmed with the day. It's OK. Been there, done that! And I may find myself circling back to that. Grief has been known to sneak up on me and blindside me a time or two. On the overwhelmed days I cry (or scream) and pray. Tomorrow is another day! With God's help, a better day! See you next Monday.

Karen