Monday, February 8, 2010

Welcome fellow mourners,

Well, this Monday is another one of those special days for me. In 6 days we will celebrate that Hallmark/Florist holiday called Valentines Day. That means we have all heard more than our share of commercials about flowers, jewelry and chocolate. I'm assuming that the person who dreamed up this holiday had the very best of intentions and I remember the day as being lots of fun when I was in grade school. We made construction paper envelopes to hold valentines from all our classmates and then we would open them all while nibbling on chocolate kisses and cupcakes. It was fun. Not so fun these days. I don't like Valentines Day.
Early on in our marriage. David and I chose not to celebrate Valentines day. David had a dozen roses delivered to my work. They were beautiful and I basked in the joy of his love for me until about 2 weeks later when I got the credit card bill and realized that those roses cost more than dinner and the theatre- for both of us! Even though I love flowers I encouraged David to pass on the roses at Valentines day. It just seemed to be the practical thing to do for a young couple with kids to feed and bills to pay.
So for a decade or more David and I agreed to spend NO money for the Hallmark holidays. Then about 15 years into our No-hallmark holiday spending pack David changed the rules. Six days before Valentines day David walked into my office with a bouquet of flowers; 6 roses with a little greenery; no vase, no box, no bow. I began to object and remind him that we don't spend money on overpriced flowers when he interrupted me. He was quite pleased with himself as he explained that the roses were under $20.00 because he got only 1/2 a dozen from a grocery store and delivered them in person which of course, earned him a "good job!" from me along with lots of kisses. I really do love flowers.
What a great memory! Now, six days before Valentines Day, I sit at my computer with a choice to be made. Will I spend this day saddened about the fact that I will not be getting any flowers today or anytime soon? Or will I cherish the memory of just how much my good guy loved me and found a way to express it "on the cheap"?
I put that thought on hold and took a few long sips of my coffee. It is Monday and I'm often a little gloomy on Mondays - mostly due to weekend fatigue. So I have learned to think twice before making decisions on Mondays.
Here's a thought! Maybe I should go to the grocery store and pick up half a dozen roses and put them on my desk. I can look at them all week and remember just how clever and loving my husband was. I Know! I'll get a dozen and share them with some friends who, like me, are living without a partner. Now that sounds like fun. I may have to get two dozen. And here lies another secret to handling grief instead of letting grief man-handle you: Lavish love on others and you will have less time to cry about the love you miss.
Find someone this week to give one of those childish valentines or a candy kiss to. It will do YOU a lot of good. I've got to go - those flower prices are going up!


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